The sorriest excuse for August weather I've ever seen. Maybe? Idk, but this week sure has been bullshit. Rain rain rain. I go back to school on the 2nd and would really enjoy if my last remaining days of summer weren't bombarded with rain...

Ah, but surely I have better things to talk about than the weather? Yes. And no. Mostly an outburst of pent up thoughts and emotions. I guess I can start by saying I feel like I've wasted my summer and continue to waste my time. I'm anxious and every time I feel inspired I let myself down. I've really hated this past month for more than just the weather. It also doesn't help that my mom has been out of town for what? 3 weeks? Shit's weak. My head is all mixed up and I can't focus. I have no idea how I'm going to survive this semester. I feel like I'm losing myself, like the part of me that makes me create and gets me excited for my ideas is leaving. What's more depressing than defining your life as: going through the motions? I need a surprise. A good one. Better yet, I need to be alone and write and paint. I can't think straight and I'm starting to feel like my photography is generic and almost a wasted effort. I'm not searching for any compliments what so ever but there's so much anxiety building inside and I can't bring myself to address why. I feel angry lately, maybe hostile is the word I'm looking for...or scared?... most likely the latter of the three. I feel an emotional breakdown coming and I would really like to avoid it. A part of me is gone. And trying to deal with it is almost killing me.

Summer has yet a few days left and already
I need a break...